Academic Response: Romance and Gaming

                  A major factor in gaming, especially MMOs, is the shared experience of playing the game. The gamer shares this experience with their avatar, their guild members if they join a guild, the other people playing the game, etc. When playing a game with a significant other it adds a level of intimacy to both in game and out of game bonding because both people in the relationship have this connection to the lore of the world and their ability to meet and befriend each other’s avatars. Establishing characters’ side by side, levelling up in the same world, and working together in the game combine out of game experiences with in game experiences. It allows both parties to be in the game physically together and experience an entire virtual world as a team, thereby also allowing both to form a connection to this world and to the other person through their shared experiences in the game. This can bring the two together by providing a place where they can get to know each other more in an environment that is open enough to give them space to explore their own characters while also providing enough opportunities for privacy such as through /tell which they can use to directly message the other person or forming a party to battle together.

                  When talking about romance in games usually people look at how it harms relationships due to the time spent in the game that leads to issues such as Gamer Widows/Widowers or catfish as false online identities have come to be known. The ability to fabricate a new identity for yourself can lead to miscommunication or intentional misleading because the other person will have no clue what is real and what is false through a screen. Something less commonly discussed is the way that gaming can strengthen bonds in a relationship and allow both people in the relationship to explore new identities for themselves, but as a team. When both are gamers and participate in the same game or MMO it provides opportunities for a relationship to grow through gaming together. The time spent enjoying a game and having fun doubles as time spent with your significant other when you work together in the game even if they are on opposite sides of the world. Neither person in the relationship is neglected during time spent in game if both partners play at the same time, thus removing the issue of one becoming a Gamer Widow/Widower, because the hobby is shared between the two. It lacks the separation of one person playing while the other sits idly by or does something different which over time can lead to feelings of isolation.

Prior to playing FFXIV I rarely played video games but with the addition of a mutual game to play with goals for each of us to reach both individually and together has allowed John and I to game together as a shared hobby. While we gain the individual satisfaction of watching our own avatars level up we are also able to help each other complete quests or get through particularly difficult areas of the game. When I encountered Quiverons that I repeatedly fought against, lost, repeated, and was unable to surpass and get the needed items for a quest, John and I met up at that area in the game. We compared skills and what was needed in the area so to determine where to begin, which groups to pull each time we advanced, and an hour and a half of frustration at the quest I was finally able to complete it with his aid.

One reason bonds build quickly in MMORPGs is the ability to build trust. This is described further by Yee, “In EQ, we engage in difficult, sometimes dangerous and often life-threatening struggles. Even though it isn't RL - you learn a lot about the character of the person playing the game. Some are selfish and greedy in EQ and you figure they are similar in RL - others are eager to help and think of others over themselves - and I have found them to be the same in RL.” While general quirks may be the same both in and out of game, as are characteristics like selflessness or selfishness, gaming together as avatars can bring out new facets of a gamer’s personality and thus also allow gamers in a relationship to learn more about each other through gaming. Their decisions in game may not parallel the decisions they would make in real life, the patterns of gameplay they form, or certain behaviors in game may emphasize fragments of who they are in real life that may not have manifested themselves previously. Through gaming we learn more about ourselves and, in turn, we are also likely to learn more about the people we love if gaming together.